After very very long..so long I can't even remember, my mind is at peace. Not rest. Peace. Just that. I have finally collated all that has happened. Assimilated it my head. Now that it is past, I can see it clearly..if it was in my face, like earlier..not much would have been visible..ok so I wrote that yesterday. Its been a day now, and I'm finishing off what I wrote. Finishing off. That is super important.
Life on the run has not been easy, nothing but horrid in fact, learned so many brutal lessons..made so many terrible mistakes. All I wanted was some peace of mind, guitar and the internet..I had to go through a lot for that crap in return. I think I finally believe in God. And to all those who don't here is what I say : at that point when you're shitting bricks...with your mind in a state of madness..when you don't know whether you are coming or going or in the middle or outside, when all your biggest nightmares have come to life..when you realise you are as finite as that little ant you just crushed in your fingers - you will stand back and shudder, and believe in Him too. All this will obviously never happen if you live life cautiously, like we've been taught. When you face death, right in front of you, and you have no idea what to do, you will beg for salvation at His doorstep, beg for Time, beg for mercy, beg for life..you will beg to see Him, meet someone who has an idea of what is going on someone with the master plan, someone who knows.
Ok so I made another discovery, why do we focus so much on Pain? and why does the impact of 'sadness' last longer? well I figured, when you are happy, certain hormones are released and you feel good..you are elated, mentally and physically, but there is no such physical pressure you feel at any point, other than a rush of blood, butterflies in your stomach and thats it. When you are sad, and for sometime, your body reacts in strange ways. Firstly, your stress levels go up, which causes an immediate effect on your head, leading to headaches and other pains, breath gets affected in a way that causes much unpleasantness. Your appetite gets affected and hence your energy levels as well. All in all, I feel we deal with happiness a lot better than sadness, and as we all know the brain controls the body : so when your brain is taking longer than normal to deal with 'stress' and 'sadness' it automatically affects the way you feel and act.
It has been long in the making..this 'me' that I call myself. If I could explain to the world in a few words what my mind goes through , each day, everyday taking decisions that make sense, not giving way to fear, keeping my eye on the ball, remembering to love myself..keep myself as priority.
All of life is in rage, all of the world is on fire..and all everyone wants is to put out that damn fire, each day you decide if you want to add to the fire..or be the one dousing it out..
