Immortality

when you find yourself in paper bags strewn across the sand
small cupcakes locked inside the pantry
tell us who will eat them?

the tiniest of dwarfs spoke to me about big things like sailing the sea and
looking for lost treasure
I looked at him and laughed, because I knew the secret,
they always fought for gold that had already been sold,
the highest bidder who slept while they walked their dogs and spoke of the Wild Ways in
which we lived today.

Sort the papers out
looking through the looking glass and seeing nothing but kaliedoscopic lights and
some sugar on the other side, whos to say who will have the last laugh?
clear your throat while they prepare to speak, it shall be all or nothing
we cannot stop now
this our time
will wash away doubt of action and rebellion

Afterword

Its been so long I sat down and wrote, almost seems like forever.
That I asked myself, hey sasha, how are you?
who are you?
how's it going?

Today, of all the days since a year, I think, I feel like asking myself how I am.
I feel like peeking into my soul, and saying - boooyaaaaahhhh
who's in there??>?>>?!!
This time im not scared of the answer, so I know I'll stay to hear the answers.
Its been some time recovering from love, UTI and tummy issues, it's been a longer time still suffering from something I'd call seriouslymania, where everything, amongst other things, seems particularly, well, serious.

LOL

There has been some major revelations in the past 2 months, one : is that I can be quiet, like very quiet, and the other, is that I can be sad, truly deeply sad, and the other is that insane happiness walks hand in hand with insane sorrow, it just depends on which side you're looking at. Aren't these the cliches everyone is so tired of listening to : but these are the truths, that lie at the heart of all of human life. So yes, I have been on a rollercoaster - its been swinging up, going down low, going super fast, as I felt tears from the mad wind streak my face, I saw everything and everyone I know go by in a blur, I felt love, anger, pain, hate, insecurity/security, uncertainty/certainty, all of it, like a huge wave, coming crashing down on me, and there I was dancing through it all, a mad dance, a violent and sometimes funny, sometimes enchanting dance.
And now, from where we are at, to where we need to be, there is so little that sets us free. Another sunset, another sunrise added to our days., days of healing, days of truth, days of glory, days when the universe tells you, slow down silly clown..slow down..
put a method to yourself silly clown,
put a method
take a leap of faith silly clown,
but climb the mountain with a bagful of patience.
6 am
again..
and its dawn again..

Say yes..

It feels so good to be numb falling without feeling

oh yea im still breathing 

isnt that al that matters..

darling?

tell me

It feels so good to be dumb without meaning,

oh yea im still breathing

Isn't that all that matters

darling?

tell me

Im so confused and so clear

like a streamer streaming through silence in my mind

I know the absolute

and i know the perfect

I know what makes me tick..

I know Ima grenade

I know that ima blow..

boom

lick

lick

I'm a resolution

I'm an idea

I'm the place where creation needs no criteria

I'm God

I'm an Angel

I'm the Devil

and all that comes in between

I'm the story and the writer

the hero and villain

with a heart so mean.

Take me to the world

let me tell them myself,

of victory,

let me tell them my story of pain,

let me tell them my story of how we 

all live..but in vain..

I will shine brighter than the brightest :

the universe shines through me

through the honest lies

through everything we make believe

and everything we try...

through the busy streets and crazy 'vibes'

Idhar ka udhar

and babies cries

let me tell you what i mean

let me come clean...

let me bring to you God..

on a platter..

oh yes, this was Our dream..

Be Me

I dont want to be
new,
old
rich
famous
sharp
blunt
them
her
they
him
sorted
perfect
less than perfect
insipid
spicy
unreal
well-read
real
unread
well travelled
up there
down there
in the middle
in space
in a jungle
at a party
the life of the party
home
intellectual
a thinker
a doer
a killer
an achiever
quiet
loud
bold
beautiful
ugly
charming
attractive
unattractive
polite
cautious
rude

I Just want to be me

Be Free

Be courage

Speak courage 

Give courage

Spread courage

Be in rage

Be the riot

Know that the light doesn't come to those who are quiet

Question all you see,

Leave regret to the enemy..

The enemy of the light - the ignorant,

Watch how they scatter, take flight..

When you see yourself in all..

Your head always bent low

A reflection of the truth, you stand tall..

Spreading light where you go

The truth has set you free..

and now you smile..

as you make peace with the enemy..

music, is the key..

music...is the key...

Pre-Menstrual Syndrome

I am currently facing some pre-menstrual cramps. And let me tell you : they suck.
So my hormones are going nuts..it's humid as fuck with no Air Con - in Mumbai.
While I try not to perspire and make some music
My periods shall arrive soon..wow..
Life is beautiful.

I am not being  sarcastic. It truly is..the hidden lessons in its processes are a marvel..

Courage

courage.

rage

age

ge

e

meh

Fragile Minds

Careful Hearts

Love, we won't ever be apart..

behh

"I was considered active, energetic, and my kingdom was the bed. I used to advertise my loyalty and I don't believe there is a single person I loved that I didn't eventually betray. Of course, my betrayals didn't stand in the way of my fidelity..."

― Albert Camus, The Fall

God, Life and Happiness

After very very long..so long I can't even remember, my mind is at peace. Not rest. Peace. Just that. I have finally collated all that has happened. Assimilated it my head. Now that it is past, I can see it clearly..if it was in my face, like earlier..not much would have been visible..ok so I wrote that yesterday. Its been a day now, and I'm finishing off what I wrote. Finishing off. That is super important.
Life on the run has not been easy, nothing but horrid in fact, learned so many brutal lessons..made so many terrible mistakes. All I wanted was some peace of mind, guitar and the internet..I had to go through a lot for that crap in return. I think I finally believe in God. And to all those who don't here is what I say : at that point when you're shitting bricks...with your mind in a state of madness..when you don't know whether you are coming or going or in the middle or outside, when all your biggest nightmares have come to life..when you realise you are as finite as that little ant you just crushed in your fingers - you will stand back and shudder, and believe in Him too. All this will obviously never happen if you live life cautiously, like we've been taught. When you face death, right in front of you, and you have no idea what to do, you will beg for salvation at His doorstep, beg for Time, beg for mercy, beg for life..you will beg to see Him, meet someone who has an idea of what is going on someone with the master plan, someone who knows.

Ok so I made another discovery, why do we focus so much on Pain? and why does the impact of 'sadness' last longer? well I figured, when you are happy, certain hormones are released and you feel good..you are elated, mentally and physically, but there is no such physical pressure you feel at any point, other than a rush of blood, butterflies in your stomach and thats it. When you are sad,  and for sometime, your body reacts in strange ways. Firstly, your stress levels go up, which causes an immediate effect on your head, leading to headaches and other pains, breath gets affected in a way that causes much unpleasantness. Your appetite gets affected and hence your energy levels as well. All in all, I feel we deal with happiness a lot better than sadness, and as we all know the brain controls the body : so when your brain is taking longer than normal to deal with 'stress' and 'sadness' it automatically affects the way you feel and act.

It has been long in the making..this 'me' that I call myself. If I could explain to the world in a few words what my mind goes through , each day, everyday taking decisions that make sense, not giving way to fear, keeping my eye on the  ball, remembering to love myself..keep myself as priority.
All of life is in rage, all of the world is on fire..and all everyone wants is to put out that damn fire, each day you decide if you want to add to the fire..or be the one dousing it out..

To Inspire

Let something/someone inspire you enough for you to fall hopelessly in love with it. With no room or space to breath or hear your own heart beat at an unbelievably fast pace.
Let something/someone inspire you enough for you to let go, of everything or anyone you ever believed in, of your belief in God, work, ideals, or whatever it is that you worship.
Let something/someone inspire you enough to run away so fast and hard you don't remember the last time you slowed down to look around at what was going on.
Let something/someone inspire you enough to give in, give in so completely, your friends marvel the change and wonder what has become of you
Let something/someone inspire you enough, so much, that you when one day you wake up and realise It all came to pass, you break free and find yourself staring blankly, a little dazed, but fully awake, at Infinity. With no choice but to rise to become the God within yourself..maybe even take his place...

Peace in our hearts
Silence in our minds

~~

Must Write

This post is titled Must Write. That is what this is about. That I must write, I've forgotten how to think. Lol

I blame it all on Whatsapp. Damn you Whatsapp. This brings me to the topic of strange names for apps and other stuff on your phone. I don't understand what they mean. So I will begin with the closest..Whatsapp..thats the strangest name ever. What were they trying to write..what is up? is that the idea.. or does it just not mean anything..or it could mean the 'whats' application..hmm..I guess we'll never know. Even Facebook for that matter..it became super popular and had The Social Network never been made we would have never understood the grave reason, for calling it Facebook. Well thought Markymark. Well thought. This brings me to another problem..so I've been trying to think of a name for my band..my stage name..what will I call me, when I do music shows. ( I do music shows btw), and looking at the way whats app and blogs and twitter and everything else is getting named..I think I'm just going to name myself solo - girl - band. Or just sologirlband. Or solog. Or sologb. There I've nailed it.

Ok with that sorted I feel much better now. So now onto other important matters. I don't have a job anymore. I'm effectively jobless. It feels pretty good, until it starts feeling bad and all of the world caves in and all around you is just blackness and really expensive food you can never buy. Yeah. Then it just sucks. I've been observing the world around me, and living up to the 'stay hungry, stay foolish' part. Feels pretty hungry and very very foolish I must say. So I'm mostly going to start work again pretty soon. *deep breath**

After a lot of thought and considerable pain, I have come to believe that the world is a cruel place, and to top it all, it doesn't really care about what you think. Unless of course, you are rich and/or Honey Singh or Katrina Kaif. In which case, you will either have to sing or dance to make yourself heard.
Screw you Big Boss! Sorry just wanted to say that, seems connected somehow!

Anyway, I also want to take this opportunity to give a huge shout out to the Kid President! Isn't he the cutest? Goodbye now, Im runningrunningandrunningrunning

Enemy

I have realised there is only one enemy : time
and there is no way we can beat it.

No way.

Wheelie

I have nothing left to say. Or rather so much, that I cannot understand where to begin.
Divergent points of view in my mind forcing me to accept the unbreakable boundary of my understanding.
But I push. There is nothing to lose, I tell myself.
What do you do when there is no reason left in the methods you employ to live/exist?
I beg for salvation through music, the only truth I know. And I want to study about how my mind understands the cadence of notes and how it affects each impulse passing from brain to muscle and back.
They said in olden times one used to try tracing out the stars and shapes within them to understand matter and its components, because breaking them down was much harder than reading the stars : I try understanding myself and the rest of the world through music, since riddles tire me.
I believe in magic.
I believe in true love.
I believe there is a world out there too simple for us to comprehend.

So the Question of Change

Hey, so..

Morrison and gang once sang about " We want the World and we want it Now"

I just figured something and I realised I need to write it before the inevitable curse of amnesia takes over : I think I understood why they were in a hurry

All those with a hunger in their hearts and a fire in their belly, meet with resistance that eventually forces them to either internalize or externalize their madness. They are the ones who know, and know way to much. Some self destruct, because they said what they had to, and are now spent. The others who drive change forcing people to think in a different way, pushing them against all they have ever known and learnt. They are either bludgeoned or pulled down by the stronger forces of all that is normal and staid..In the end, both perish, forcing us to think : " why did they never just give up and be fucking normal"?

who's to say where and what and why..

its a bug and once you know, there is no stopping you

this is only the beginning.

And so the truth lay naked

"The only people that interest me are the mad ones, the ones who are mad to live..

mad to talk..

desirous of everything at the same time..

the ones that never yawn or say a commonplace thing..

but burn.

Burn

Burn

..

Burn like roman candles across the night!"

-

"On the Road" - Jack Kerouac

Insulation

Its an awesome place to be.

I am and I'm not.

So I'm in love again, for the 40 billionth time.

and its really strange, to tell you the truth, because, this time I feel completely emotionally insulated. Like I'm permanently drunk on rebellion, this poison one more time :) now its like a drug.

Only my resistance is increasing :(

so well here we are.

Again!

I'm riding the wave, smiling and grinning through it all,

even though I could break and lose it all.

This shiny spot is so awesome!!

I want to drown in deep green, or maybe a deep red

Remedy the disease, find a way to increase, appease and release all that is within.

I chase sounds and love in the same way, and one eludes while the other helps me dream :)

eufuefhough

It was like someone had stuff a chee chee up my choo choo, if you know what I mean. Its a strange and painful condition to feel inarticulate and stupid, rather liberating if you ask me. The kind of liberation that calls for nakedness and general oding on rain/sunshine/crystal meth. Its a battle cry! the violent variety. No Anna for me thank you. I’d rather just stab the waiter and laugh as blood sputters through his shiny white teeth. Who the fuck told you to serve me that disgusting dish you Hoar! In his eyes a look of horror gently fading into acceptance and eventually freezing on death. Hmm..an entire human life cycle repeated in 1 millionth the time! This is a valid social experiment. Mental note - *must conduct*

The lesson we have all learnt through this is that madness cannot be contrived under any circumstances. After facing and seeing enough. It is a the final state of mind, where the mind ceases to be. It is now a medium.

Does all of music have the same source? Is this question even valid

I want to know. In a way it is true, Time is the source

The Hologram Man

He lives in a hologram, appearing strange, quaint, faint
He lives on greed vanishing consuming.
He is perception, shame, reflection, rule and norm

When in light there is a spectrum of colours, glinting, shiny and real
and in Darkness he completes the night.

Who is the Hologram Man?

to the man who Knew

Bye Bye

" Oh, and there we were all in one place,
A generation lost in space
With no time left to start again.
So come on: jack be nimble, jack be quick!
Jack flash sat on a candlestick
Cause fire is the devil’s only friend.

Oh, and as I watched him on the stage
My hands were clenched in fists of rage.
No angel born in hell
Could break that satan’s spell.
And as the flames climbed high into the night
To light the sacrificial rite,
I saw satan laughing with delight
The day the music died

And in the streets: the children screamed,
The lovers cried, and the poets dreamed.
But not a word was spoken;
The church bells all were broken.
And the three men I admire most:
The father, son, and the holy ghost,
They caught the last train for the coast
The day the music died."

- Don Mc Lean

the man who Knew